Sunday | Mother’s Day

Hello! This is my first entry this year and I’m happy that I was able to write this without forcing myself.

The blinding light woke me and thought that it’s already Sunday morning, checked my phone and it’s just past midnight. It was just the light from our dirty kitchen that wasn’t put off that made me think it’s already late morning. I shrugged, lay still for a while, went outside and decided to play Mobile Legends (I’ve been playing this game for two months now, engrossed with it and hate it when the internet connection is slow and when my phone is about to die). Anyways, I’ve played until the soft light is already peeking through our windows. Father is already up to fetch water from the pump well to fill the tubs in our toilets (we’re doing this every time our water pump has malfunctioned) and later on he will feed his chickens and pigs. I decided to be helpful so I cleaned the house for a while and decided to go back to the game again. My parents went somewhere to borrow a ladder that my father will be using when he’s going to repaint the faded roof. It’s almost seven and decided to buy coffee and prepared scrambled egg for breakfast. (During this time my sister is still in comfort, sleeping🙄. )

Parents went home before eight and I’m still playing that time and father announced that mother’s bought flowers for me (picture on the left). Since I was preoccupied that time, eager to win, I wasn’t able to appreciate it that time. The game ended and had the chance to see the succulents and yes, they’re beautiful.

Minutes passed and decided to start another classic game, and heard my cousin’s squeaky voice. It’s still early but she’s already hyped, I haven’t seen her for a while since I wasn’t able to go home last weekend. I heard them yesterday, with my sister, playing, I was sleeping but half conscious but decided to dozed off again. So she’s here and started to asked her playful things just to keep her entertained and decided to let her wake my sister.

So as the day goes on and we’re getting bored, sister and I was craving for an ice cream, and also to celebrate mother’s day we decided to buy a large one. We had laughs and stories and happiness this Sunday.

It was almost lunch. Mother and my cousin (who are teachers), we’re called out to visit their designated areas for the preparation for the election (Election Day: 5/13/2019). Before leaving mother asked me to take a picture of her so that she can post it on her Facebook account which later on was forgotten. So I took her some and here it is.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Into the Void

To be honest, I don’t know where I am heading. I just don’t feel like I really know myself. Maybe it’s because I always overthink and complicate everything. I always start with positive ideas but always ending them bleak. I don’t know me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m gonna be what my parents wish me to be. I just want to be happy. I wish I have a straight path etched in my mind to guide me and not leave me astray to every decisions that I will make. I believe I’m still stuck in my comfort zone, and that’s what I hate about myself. People might say think outside the box, don’t be afraid to take risks, be you wanna be, live life to the fullest but that it’s not enough to pull me into this void where I’m drowning in; full of fear, sadness, hatred ,despair, insecurity and doubt. Some people can manage, some can’t and some need thousands of hand to lift them up and some can just pull themselves up with their one hand and I wish I could be the latter. We write our own stories and we decide if we’ll make it happy or a misery. I don’t know what I will gonna do at the moment but I will try not to be afraid, try different things, find out what I really care about and what will make me happy and to find myself.

Weekend Feels 😌

I woke up early today and decided to cook breakfast. Bought eggs and noodles and made rice into “kalo-kalo”. I always sauté garlic and onion in palm oil before adding water (try it 😉) and mixing two flavors (chicken and beef) when I cook noodles.

Tip: Just put less water than usual if you want a salty and punchy taste.

To be honest, I’m trying to copy how Tatay cooks his noodles but I cannot achieve it and I never bothered to asked him how he’d do his. Anyways, I’m full when I finished the meal and took a rest for a while and decided to clean the house.

My Favorite Playlist

I always play music when I’m doing chores, it pumps me up and lightens my mood. I’m playing it also when travelling from city to home or vice versa.

After cleaning I decided to transfer Prim to a new pot since the root is already touching the base of the pot and I want her to be in a new home. Happy to found out that I don’t need to find rice hulls and healthy soil anymore since mom stored some for her plants as well. I hate how Prim looks now, she’s become malnourished and deformed. 😒

Sad to say there’s no one who is hands on with her since I started my job. I only see her every weekend when I go home or sometimes I don’t even take time to check on her. Happy that I got time to do this and hoping she’ll be as cute again as she where still little.

She’s already 9 months old. Her sister, Bubbles, a gift from my sister when I graduated died after a week when I left her outside the house near where my mom used to wash clothes. So now I only got Prim. After transferring Prim, I decided to take a rest and bought snacks for myself. 😄

When I’m home alone and missing mom, I go inside their room and lay in bed and it always comforts me when I smell the soap she uses or smells the scent of the shampoo on the pillows. I always miss them. We barely talk sometimes because of my sleeping time. Since I have extended days to rest this week (thursday and friday), I’m going to spend quality time with my family. 👏😍🎉

I’m Still Awake

For almost six months working on a night shift, I’ve now become a nocturnal being. And I kinda hate that. As I’m writing this entry I couldn’t stop hating myself for not being sleepy and that’s also the reason why I decided to write since it’s been months that I haven’t added anything on my blog.

I’ve never thought before that I could handle this kind of routine; being active from dusk till dawn and sleeping when normal people do their normal activities under the sun. When I’m still a newbie, still weaving through the first month of my job, I always have to urge myself to keep moving forward and start the new “normal routine”, I’m always in a dilemma if I would continue working to earn or to cover myself with sheets and have a good sleep (of course, I’d prefer the latter but still I have to be responsible for my future). Though now I’m already used to it, I still have the doubt sometimes.

Every time I go home for the weekend I end up sleeping through out the day and waking up at night knowing that I’ve missed the opportunity to catch up with my family since they are already asleep when my day is just starting and the other way around. (The picture above shows how lonely I’m feeling every time I go home; I’m home but I’m not feeling home).

I miss being a “human being”. Let’s say, somehow I’m already used to this kind of life but I’d still prefer the “normal life”. Not now but soon. 🙋

Rain Makes Me…

April 10, 2018

Isn’t it rejuvenating when drops from the sky kiss your face? The cold breeze that makes you think of cocooning yourself and makes the hot mug of milk touch your skin? The stormy weather that clouded your sky temporarily and makes you yearn to sulk in your room just to get warm and have a sound sleep. Isn’t it reminiscing?

Before dusk this day, the weather made me remember the sweetest days that happened when I was younger. When it rains, there is always a fleeting moment of happiness that makes me happy and sad.

During my childhood days, aside from new toys and great food to eat, I always anticipate a rainy day. It makes my day happy. Seeing the muddy grass and wet roads make me embrace myself for additional comfort. I’m always excited to wear a raincoat though it had leaked it’s still fun getting damp and be home with a wet uniform; fun to change clothes and fun to wrap myself a blanket. I remembered making paper boats and made it sail through the filling trenches by our school’s room. Wondering if why ants don’t get excited when they have vast swimming pools to dive into, and I always anticipate one of them to be there just to see if they like the thought. Weird isn’t it? But as the season changes through years, the feelings slowly recedes, and sadness sometimes overwhelms when it rains. The idea of the memories justify that life back when you’re a kid is different and confusing when you become a grownup. I miss those days. 😪

Back To Aningalan

April 1, 2018

It was Easter Sunday when this escapade happen. We were invited by our aunt to join their trip to Tibiao, Antique to try the invigorating mountain resort. Before we proceed to the place, we visited Aningalan in San Remigio first. It was my second time to be there, and there were little changes from before. There was an expansion outside the strawberry farm where they provide exciting activities, though it may not be opened yet. We visited the farm, and unfortunately, strawberries were far from ripening when we were there.

Still, the place is Instagram worthy. Flowers can be seen around the area, and it’s nice to see the gorgeous landscapes.

We decided to visit the strawberry farm and we will still travel for two hours to reach Tibiao, Antique and it was already past twelve noon that time. We decided to exit the farm and traveled north.

Halfway to exiting Aningalan, we decided to eat lunch by the road. It was fun since it has a view of a vast sea.

It rained as we traveled down and funny that our companions tucked in the back of the vehicle were poured by the rain and we inside the transport comfortably laughed seeing them.

We arrived at the mountain resort. Dusk is nearing and tourists were exiting the place and we’re the only one left there. We’re lucky. I was not able to take a lot of pictures because it was already dark and didn’t have a nice camera, to begin with, that is waterproof and good in low light conditions.